Horoscope
Are you tired of horoscopes that aren't specific and don't tell you anything useful? Well here is a horoscope designed especially for you. It is specific, it is useful and it may very well come true on any given week.
Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You will meet your soul mate today who is a Pisces. However courting them will not be easy. Pursue them and don't take no for an answer.
Pisces (Feb 19 - March 20)
Watch out for an Aquarius stalking you. Whatever you do stay away from them and just keep telling them NO!
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
If you have any friends who are Pisces be sure to hook them up with any Aquarius that you know of.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Due to planetary realignment this sign no longer exists. All existing Taurus will be reassigned Gemini.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Prepare for an upsurge in your sign's numbers. Now I'm not saying that with increased numbers you could take over all the other signs, although you could if you wanted to. You know, I'm just saying...
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
You will have something to eat and/or drink today. Possibly tomorrow too.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
There is a very good probability that you will not die today unless yo live with a Virgo.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
If you live with a Leo they really want to try some extreme sports. Take them skydiving etc..
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are guaranteed to win the lottery this week. Your lucky numbers are 6, 18, 21, 29, 32, 33
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You will not be winning the lottery this week. Your lucky numbers are 6, 18, 21, 29, 32, 33
Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
If you have any Capricorn friends they want you to bring the plain box hidden under their bed into their work today and leave it at reception with their name on it.
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
In financial matters there is a good chance you will be fired from your job today.
Note: If you take this horoscope seriously then you should check yourself into a mental health clinic.
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